"Why I need to stop being such an Aries" or "Consistency is key"

On some levels, I have always loved being an Aries. Aries are supposed to be bold, straight forward individuals, and I like that. However, there is one Aries trait I wish I could ditch!

One infamous thing Aries are known for is not quite completing things, moving on to something new before finishing the current thing, mostly because the current thing, to them, became boring.

Sadly, this trait is strong in me and this has hampered my bass playing by slowing my growth and progress. I realized that this week and decided I need to stop being such an Aries. At least when it comes to procrastenating, letting boredom overwhelm me, etc.

I've allowed myself to be extremely incosistent when it comes to the bass, then I complain that I should have been gig ready ages ago. I'm not writing this to beat myself up, or tear myself down. This is just my way of telling myself that the buck stops here and I need to have my inner boss set me straight on what needs doing and how. He's a good boss, gentle yet firm, but he gets a little impatient, and rightly so. If I don't remain consistent, I don't improve, not at the pace I want to, anyway. I've started working more on my fret technique, and in just a few days I already see slight improvement. I can't slack any more. That's just the facts. As my sweet Donna likes to say, "Let's keep it a bean."

Anyway, this new consistency, I hope, will include regular updates on my musical journey here! Thank you for reading this and putting up with my prolonged absences. The goal is to be sure they aren't quite so prolonged!

Open letter to Wil Wheaton!

I tried to post this to Mr. Wheatons Facebook page, but his privacy settings don't allow it! Maybe I can get this to him, somehow!

Hi Wil! I just wanted to take a few moments to share with you the impact reading "Still Just a Geek" has had on me. First of all, I am totally blind and so I listened to the audio book. Thank you for being so candid and vulnerable, both in writing the book and the wonderful narration you gave. My main reason for posting this message though is to thank you for the incredible insight you share and how it has helped me on two levels. I am engaged to a woman dealing with a form of depression. I have been working to understand her depression as best I can in order to support her in whatever ways possible. I was sharing with her some of what you say in the book. Out of the blue, and without me mentioning your comment about this, she described her depression as feeling like being squeezed by a boa constrictor! So, you helped me more deeply understand what it's like for her. As the old saying goes, wait, there's more! I have had more than one person tell me that I can act like I think I have something to prove. I could admit this is true, but I couldn't understand why I ever felt this way. Reading about, or having you read to me about your experiences with your parents unlocked some insight into myself. First, I need to say that I am, by no means trying to make light of what you went through growing up. That said, knowing what you dealt with helped me to realize that, while I was never bullied, abused or gaslighted by my parents, the way they treated me had a vaguely similar impact on me. I was never exactly close to my dad. I mean, I know that he loved me, but he was never close to me. I always had a deeper, closer relationship with my mom. It was not perfect, though. I grew up visually impaired, becoming totally blind later in life, but that is a whole other story. Anyway, I am the youngest of my siblings, the baby in the family and my mom took the parenting approach of "Well, if Alan is quiet, he must be happy and safe." It was, in a lot of ways, a very hands off approach. It took years to acknowledge this fact. I'm still working on accepting it. In reading your book, I believe I came to realize that I wanted the approval of my parents, albeit for different reasons from you in your relationship with your parents. I think that's where my feeling of having to prove myself came from, at least in part. It also have to do with being bullied in school because I was the awkward, out of place guy who wore thick glasses. I could never wrap my brain around why the bullies felt the need to act towards me the way they did. I understand it now, as best I can, but I still remember how it hurt.

What I am starting to learn, though, is that the only person I have anything to prove something to is me. Both my parents are dead, and the family and friends around me lovingly and graciously accept me for who I am, flaws and all.

So, before this post becomes as long as "Still Just a Geek" and requires tons of annotations, let me finish up by saying, again, thank you. I now understand myself and my fiancee better with your help. I do what I can to be a support system for her, and I am very gradually learning to be kind to myself as well. Your meaningful and powerful insight helped me take steps in that direction. Oh, and one last thing, when I watched TNG back in the 80s and 90s, I rooted for Wesley. I wanted Picard to allow him on the bridge, to be more of a father figure to him, and that is what puts "Tapestry" among my favorite episodes. I could never understand people hating Wesley. I sure didn't.

Boldly going into a new phase in life and Stream me up, Scotty!

Well, I successfully administered the first dose of Trulicity this morning. Having done so helped me accept that, like it or not, whethere it genuinely sucks or not, I am getting older and there's no reversing it, no going back in time to when I was young. Life just doesn't have a rewind button...not even a back 30 seconds one like in audio players. So,, yeah, I am fine with it, and I feel like I can boldly go forward from here o out.

Recently, my inner trekkie has been set free from the cage it was in. I've always been a trekkie on a minor level, having enjoyed some of the original series (TOS), next Generation (TNG, which I have watched in its entirety at least once) and Deep Space 9 DS9) which I also watched all the way through one whole time. So, when Star Trek: Picard came out, I decided to check it out. Somewhere in all that I also encountered the #TrekCulture channel on #YouTube. Watching videos in which hosts such as #SeanFerrick made references to the two seeries I hadn't watched, Voyager and Enterprise, I began to get curious.

Thankfully, thanks to Paramount Plus, I started streaming not only Voyager (Voy) and TOS, but I watched the animated series as well. At the same time I grew curious about the newer series, Discovery. When I found out it was into its fourth season, I binge-watched the first three seasons in order to catch up. I'll keep my gushing brief, but I love Discovery. Maybe the first season was a tad weak, and getting through the first three seasons with the audio description for the blind made it a bit of a challenge, but I kept at it.

Then I found out about the humorous Lower Decks! It is a nutty, irreverant but loving homage to all things Trek. I even enjoyed the new show specifically for kids, Star Trek: Prodigy.

Now there's even one more new series on the horizon; Star Trek: Strange New Worlds! It will feature capt. Christopher Pike played by Anson Mount again. I can't wait to see this show! This is going to be freaking awesome!

In watching #TheReadyRoom, hosted by #WilWheaton on #YouTube, I found out that Mr. Wheaton had published a memoir that, it turns out, is an update to his original memoir. The updated,, and heavily annotated version is called "Still Just a Geek" and it is incredible!!! He is very openly candid about his life, his mental health issues and, of course, his career. If you loved him in "Stand By Me", Next Gen and/or The Big Bang Theory, you'll love this book and the insight you get into whom Wil Wheaton is.

Before I close this out, I have to go back to the topic of the new "Trek" shows, specifically Picard and Discovery. These shows, I am sure, have their fans like me. But I'm also reading comments from a lot of haters. Admittedly, I can understand some haterish behavior towards the J. J. Abrhams reboots, they're all right but feel like watered down Trek, honestly. That said, I don't get the hating on Picard and Discovery. If Star Trek is about boldly going to new places, these shows should be allowed to do so, and applauded for doing it, even if they don't always get it right. At their warp core, hehehehehehe, they are Star Trek. So, I know haters gonna hate, but you haters of Picard and Discovery, please put on your noise cancelling headphones, go find an online game to play and let the rest of us enjoy these new Trek projects for what they are. Or, if Wil Wheaton will forgive me for line stealing, if you don't like these shows, live long and suck it. Of course, I say that all in fun, no real malice intended.

Anyway, I've kept you trapped in the singularity that is my brain long enough! You'll likely find yourself in a similar one in future posts as I finish streaming voyager and the original series, catch the season finale of Picard and start checking out Strange New Worlds. So, be prepared for that. Now I'm going to take off. In the words of Captain Pike, "Hit it!"

I'm trying!

"All I can do is all I can do, but I keep on trying" Trace Adkins "I'm Tryin'"

Okay, universe, this is my formal request. I am asking for the gorgeous trophy blond, the fancy sports car (and in my case someone to drive it), and an all new stylish wardrobe. After all, these are the requisite perqs of a midlife crisis, right?

Okay, maybe it isn't a midlife crisis, but in. Ways that is how it feels. I've had issues in recent months with heart palpitations, high blood sugars I could not, for the life of me, get back down to normal, and a body weight that also refused to go down.

As a result of those last two things, I had to add a new medication to my regimen. It is called Trulicity and is a weekly injectable medication that reportedly does three things: 1. Lowers blood sugar, 2. Helps in lowering weight and 3. helps reduce the risk of heart problems and stroke.

The decision, made with my diabetic specialist, came on the heels of my 57th birthday. It did not make me feel good about getting older. It causes me to wonder why getting through being "over the hill" is such an uphill battle. I understand that as we get older our bodies have a harder and harder time healing themselves and regulating their systems, such as blood sugar, etc. Yet, I can't help but feel, just a bit, like my youth is scampering off shouting over its shoulder to me, "Catch me if you can!"

I've had songs like "Time" by Pink Floyd, "The way life's meant to be" from the album "Time" by the Electric Light Orchestra going through my head. I'm not *TRYING* to be morbid, and it isn't like I need to window shop for a death bed, so to speak, but it all serves to remind me the clock is ticking, there are things I haven't done but want to do, and time has the tendency to slip away before its escape has been noticed by me. Yet, as the lyrics at the start of this post say, I'm trying...and I keep on trying. The developments with my health and this new medicine have been a bit of a gut punch. Oh, amusing side note, the Trulicity gets injected into, of all things, the stomach near the belly button. So, the gut punch comes with a gut pinch and gut poke. Hahahahahaha.

So, anyway, forgive me if I come off as whiny. I don't really mean to, but I just have to acknowledge, to myself and my friends...and anyone else reading this, that life just seems hard right now, for multiple reasons, some I won't go into here, but I am getting through it, or at the very least trying to. Like Trace Adkins says in the song I quoted "There's always a mountain in front of me, but I keep on climbing, and falling and climbing...but I keep on trying."

Oh, and universe? Forget the trophy blond! Donna, my fiancee, would not be happy if I had me one of those. ;)

Validation along the path and the journey continues!

I was surprised when I was asked, back in December for an interview and the reason behind it! All I can say is wow! Well, that and thank you!How blind student plays bass! Needless to say, this is a huge motivator! As a result, beginning next month, I am taking the bull by the horns and I am going to scope out and most likely participate in an open mike night. I will give details and updates, of course! No more hiding in the "woodshed!"

Now for something new...kind of...

I have a #YouTube channel that, much like this blog, hasn't been updated for a while. Granted, more recently than this blog has been. Either way, here it is:

https://youtube.com/user/adwheeler

Too long gone!

I have returned! Being a somewhat typical Aries, I drifted away from posting here for a while. While I was gone, depression and grief got their claws on me, and I didn't give updating this blog a second thought.

Suddenly, a person I volunteer with mentioned reading my most recent entries, and I thought "Wow! Okay, I had better get back to this if someone is actually looking at entries nearly three years old." So, here I am.

I am still playing bass guitar, more about that in a future entry. I am also on a spiritual journey I don't believe I have talked about much here. I have taken an interest in the hindu spiritual text "The Bhagavad Gita" ever since reading "The Legend of Bagger Vance" and trying to understand the deeper parallels between the two. One side note about 'Bagger Vance', do yourself a favor, read the book and bypass the movie. Just saying.

Anyway, as a result of wanting to deepen my understanding of the Gita, I looked for a translation that would have notes or commentaries that would illuminate and illustrate things. What I found was two editions edited and translated by Eknath Easwaran. One edition is "The Bhagavad Gita for Daily Living." This is an expanded commentary on the Gita and how it applies to our lives today.

Since my last entry, Donna and I have gotten engaged! I proposed to her on October 11, 2020 at the Japanese Tea Garden here in San Francisco.

As I mentioned moments ago, I am involved in volunteer work. I am volunteering with an organization called Citizens Climate Lobby. I can provide a link and more information in the next entry. CCL is working to get a bill called the Energy Innovation and Carbon Dividend Act past. This would move heavy polluters towards clean energy solutions and offset the cost to consumers with regular dividend checks. This is an over-simplified explanation, but as I said, I will give links and more information in the next entry.

That, in a rather large nutshell is my update. There is more to come, much more, so you can look forward to that. Thank you for taking the time to read!

The start of the next phase of my Reiki journey!🙏🏻

Starting next week, I begin the next phase of my Reiki journey. Until now, I have given Reiki either to myself, or my girlfriend, Donna. On Tuesday, November 26th, though, I will have my first experience giving it to a stranger. That will be when I join a Reiki circle at the SF Reiki center. Then, I'll be volunteering at one of the centers regular weekly clinics on Monday, December 2nd. What a fantastic opportunity! I am so blessed to have been given this gift, and the ability to use it to help others. Here is the page for the events the SF Reiki Center holds, in case anyone is interested: 

https://www.sfreikicenter.com/community

Giving a hand in life...well, a pair of hands.

Well, here we are, over a year later, and looking down the barrel of so many changes.

First, this blog hasn't updated in over a year because, as most of you know, I broke my arm mere days after my last post. I'll talk about my recovery in future posts.

One thing I didn't, surprisingly discuss in this space was becoming a Reiki practitioner in April of 2018. Guess that's part of not validating myself enough...another topic for later. Anyway, I have started a Reiki page for my practice, Sunlight Reiki, on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/AlansReiki is the place.

To learn more about where I started my Reiki journey, go to http://www.sfreikicenter.com/

I have a complete setup in my office with massage table and stoll for giving Reiki to people. I can't wait!

By the way, life isn't as green as it once was...I left the green party. I started realizing that Democrats are focused where I want them to be, and no, I don't mean just President Trumps impending impeachment. The green party was just too out there for me. Not as much as Libertarians, but enough.

So, I am still playing bass guitar, and loving life. Part of it is a renewed focus on meditation. I've been reading "Passage Meditation" by Eknath Easwaran, who translated the Bhagavad Gita so wonderfully.

Later posts will include pictures of my Reiki space, and I will talk more about Reiki and what it means to me.

Moving to two greener pastures in life.

I know, I know! It's been *AGES* since I posted here. But, it's overdue. More changes in my life to report. First, and I know this will unsettle my Christian, conservative friends, but please, no sermons, lectures or other warnings. I ask that, calmly and politely in advance. I have taken up using marijuana...again. It is, honestly, far better for me (and in me) than alcohol ever was. It helps with pain, which I'ee had my relative share of lately). Plus, unlike alcohol, I'm not a total ass under the influence. I still have my Irish Aries temper from time to time, but overall, I am happier, less anxious (more about that in a sec.) and able to think clearer than without it. I discovered that, without anything in my system, I am a more anxious person than I realized. It took a calming, mind-clearing high to make me realize this benefit of cannabis. I already have a "go-to" dispensary, the green cross: http://www.thegreencross.org/ So, what is, you ask, the other green? While it is not, specifically, about recycling, etc, it is environmentally friendly. I recently switched from being a Libertarian to the more reasonable (and sane) green party: http://www.gp.org/ and find it suits me well. The two-party system, obviously, is broken, run, as it is by corporate interests. It's not "we the people" any more, but more like "we the corporation" as far as the voice that speaks loudest in our country. Well, I don't want McGovernment any more. I want candidates that aren't bought and paid for by profiteering special interest groups. I looked at other parties (peace and freedom for example) and found they either leaned too far right or too far left. As for the Libertarians? Crazy as loons!! Don't believe me, go to their site, http://www.lp.org/ Among the crazy things is wanting to abolish taxes and the IRS. As much as I dislike the IRS, who thinks our money is theirs, abolishing them is as good an idea as taking booze, pot, qualudes, cocain and heroin all at once...not terribly wise. Do they need reforming, if not all out gutting and starting over? Yes, this is hella true! That said, they have, more or less, worked well for us so why fix what's working? Anyway, there will be more posts as I share with you what I learn as part of this process and where I stand on candidates in future posts. So, if you're seeking an alternative to corporate-owned government, check out the Green Party. They seem level-headed, reasonable and possess a great deal of common sense. Thanks for reading. Hope I didn't disappoint or disillusion anyone. I know cannabis use can be a hot button topic for some people. There is still a huge stigma. All I know is I've tried it, it works for me and keps me as sane as it is possible for this 21st century hippie cowboy to be. My next post will get into, among other things, my current bass playing and my plans for my musical future. See you next time, and remember that love, alone, is worth the fight! d