Hi Wil! I just wanted to take a few moments to share with you the impact reading "Still Just a Geek" has had on me. First of all, I am totally blind and so I listened to the audio book. Thank you for being so candid and vulnerable, both in writing the book and the wonderful narration you gave. My main reason for posting this message though is to thank you for the incredible insight you share and how it has helped me on two levels. I am engaged to a woman dealing with a form of depression. I have been working to understand her depression as best I can in order to support her in whatever ways possible. I was sharing with her some of what you say in the book. Out of the blue, and without me mentioning your comment about this, she described her depression as feeling like being squeezed by a boa constrictor! So, you helped me more deeply understand what it's like for her. As the old saying goes, wait, there's more! I have had more than one person tell me that I can act like I think I have something to prove. I could admit this is true, but I couldn't understand why I ever felt this way. Reading about, or having you read to me about your experiences with your parents unlocked some insight into myself. First, I need to say that I am, by no means trying to make light of what you went through growing up. That said, knowing what you dealt with helped me to realize that, while I was never bullied, abused or gaslighted by my parents, the way they treated me had a vaguely similar impact on me. I was never exactly close to my dad. I mean, I know that he loved me, but he was never close to me. I always had a deeper, closer relationship with my mom. It was not perfect, though. I grew up visually impaired, becoming totally blind later in life, but that is a whole other story. Anyway, I am the youngest of my siblings, the baby in the family and my mom took the parenting approach of "Well, if Alan is quiet, he must be happy and safe." It was, in a lot of ways, a very hands off approach. It took years to acknowledge this fact. I'm still working on accepting it. In reading your book, I believe I came to realize that I wanted the approval of my parents, albeit for different reasons from you in your relationship with your parents. I think that's where my feeling of having to prove myself came from, at least in part. It also have to do with being bullied in school because I was the awkward, out of place guy who wore thick glasses. I could never wrap my brain around why the bullies felt the need to act towards me the way they did. I understand it now, as best I can, but I still remember how it hurt.
What I am starting to learn, though, is that the only person I have anything to prove something to is me. Both my parents are dead, and the family and friends around me lovingly and graciously accept me for who I am, flaws and all.
So, before this post becomes as long as "Still Just a Geek" and requires tons of annotations, let me finish up by saying, again, thank you. I now understand myself and my fiancee better with your help. I do what I can to be a support system for her, and I am very gradually learning to be kind to myself as well. Your meaningful and powerful insight helped me take steps in that direction. Oh, and one last thing, when I watched TNG back in the 80s and 90s, I rooted for Wesley. I wanted Picard to allow him on the bridge, to be more of a father figure to him, and that is what puts "Tapestry" among my favorite episodes. I could never understand people hating Wesley. I sure didn't.
