A Reiki Night to Remember

July 18, 2025

by Alan Wheeler

Before I go to sleep tonight, I need to write this down.

I just gave myself the most healing Reiki treatment I’ve ever experienced. My coming out — and the deeper realization of my authentic self — played a huge role in what unfolded.

Reiki sessions before bed are rare for me, but tonight I felt overdue. I also wanted to try a hand position my Reiki master, Christopher Telles, taught me — one he said should only be used if I planned to sleep afterward. It involves cradling the base of my neck with both hands. “You’ll definitely want to sleep after that one,” he warned.

He wasn’t wrong.

But what happened before the sleepiness was something unexpected. When I moved into the third hand position, I noticed how naturally my arms rested against my sides — a comfortable, almost embracing posture — and I realized it was possible because of the weight I’ve lost over the past year. In that moment, something clicked: I felt actual respect for my physique. Maybe even a little admiration.

For the first time, I could honestly say: I’m decent-looking. I don’t hate my body. I’m at ease in it. And just as that thought settled, another one followed: I’m finally comfortable in my own skin — literally and figuratively.

In that moment, I forgave my younger self — the one who once stood drunkenly in front of a mirror in 1987, declaring how much he hated himself. I felt energy flowing backward in time. A message to that hurting version of me: I forgive you. You were doing the best you could. You are a worthwhile person.

Tears nearly came. What rose instead was something deeper — acceptance, acknowledgment, even love. Not narcissistic love, but the kind of love that says: I see you. I value you. I believe in you.

I saw clearly that I’ve stayed strong through everything. Yes, there were dark times. Yes, I struggled. But they didn’t break me — they forged me. I’ve grown, changed, become better. More resilient. More real.

Tonight, I truly felt it: I’m a good, wonderful person. Not perfect — who is? I may have a dark side — we all do. I may have shadows… and as the Switchfoot song says, “the shadow proves the sunshine.” They’re part of me. I’m complex, human, beautiful. And when the time and place are right, I will find the love I crave and deserve.

But for now, I can finally say the words I never believed I’d earn:

I love myself.

Bully for You: A Song on the Edge

Why Peter Gabriel’s raw cover reveals the true emotional core of Tom Robinson’s lyrics

Lyrical Analysis: “Bully for You”

by Tom Robinson Band – Peter Gabriel version

If you’ve never heard the song, you can listen to both versions here:

🎧 Peter Gabriel version

🎧 Tom Robinson Band version

Title: “Bully for You”

The phrase “bully for you” is deeply sarcastic — an old-fashioned way of saying “good for you”, used here with bite. It sets the emotional tone right away: the speaker isn’t congratulating anyone — they’re seething.

Verse 1:

Cut the cackle / Cause we’re getting to the facts now

Guilt edge security / Hold me back now

Wet blanket at the drop of a hat man / Bully for you, I’m just mad about that, man

This opening is tense and confrontational.

1. “Cut the cackle” means stop the nonsense or superficial talk.
2. “Gilt-edge security” — a clever pun that may combine “gilt” (as in gold) with “guilt,” suggesting false safety or manipulated stability.
3. “Wet blanket at the drop of a hat” paints a picture of someone who instantly spoils joy or undercuts any momentum.
4. “Bully for you, I’m just mad about that, man” is pure sarcasm, but specifically aimed at the wet blanket’s attitude — a mocking, “Oh sure, I really love that”, loaded with disdain. Gabriel delivers it with blistering irony.

Chorus 1:

I hear the sound of dogs in the rain / I know you won’t be back again

We’ve seen it three times on the run / Pass up the chance to / Cut the crap and make it happen / Giving can be fun

This is the first true chorus — melodically distinct and emotionally pivotal.

1. “Dogs in the rain” evokes loneliness, sorrow, and a sense of warning.
2. “Three times on the run” suggests repeated failures or missed emotional opportunities.
3. “Cut the crap and make it happen” becomes a breaking point. In Gabriel’s voice, it’s not a suggestion — it’s a demand. A declaration of: “Enough. Do something.”
4. “Giving can be fun” is delivered with biting sarcasm — shouted, not sung sweetly — exposing the hollowness of idealistic advice.
5. Importantly, this line shares melodic structure with “Make the aching stop”, later in the song. In both, Gabriel draws out the final word like a howl — making both lines echo with emotional anguish rather than hope.

Verse 2:

I’m not afraid, but I don’t want to fight now / This movie’s over so turn that light out

Turn of the screw, tomorrow soon will come and / Wake in the morning, wonder what have you done man

The emotional unraveling deepens here.

1. “I’m not afraid, but I don’t want to fight now” shows the speaker isn’t backing down from fear — they’re just tired.
2. “This movie’s over” signals the end of a personal drama, and “turn that light out” suggests finality.
3. “Turn of the screw” introduces tightening emotional pressure.
4. The morning-after line — “wonder what have you done” — is the bitter residue of a breakdown or lashing out. Regret is already waiting at sunrise.

Chorus 2:

There ain’t another place in town / I’m moving over, going down

Killing time, the morning drop / Final judgement, stay a day to / Find your way to / Make the aching stop

This second chorus shifts into total emotional collapse.

1. “No other place in town” suggests a feeling of exile — physical, emotional, or spiritual.
2. “Going down” signals decline: mental health, emotional control, stability.
3. “Final judgement” adds existential weight.
4. And then: “Make the aching stop.” Like “Giving can be fun,” the line is delivered with identical melodic phrasing — Gabriel draws out the final word, giving it that same howling, tormented quality. It’s not a quiet plea — it’s a desperate scream into the void.

Instrumental Bridge and Chorus Reprise:

After a brief instrumental passage, Chorus 2 is repeated, reinforcing the sense of spiraling despair. The repeated delivery of “Make the aching stop” lands even harder the second time around — an echo of torment, or a soul refusing to go numb.

Final Section:

We don’t need no aggravation (repeated)

The song closes with a stark chant — a mantra for peace, or perhaps emotional surrender.

In Gabriel’s version, Tom Robinson himself joins in vocally — a small but powerful collaboration that confirms this version has the original songwriter’s blessing. It’s like a seal of emotional truth between two artists who’ve both known how heavy a song like this can be.

Performance Contrast:

The original Tom Robinson Band version is solid and sharp — punk-rooted, well-executed, but emotionally guarded. In contrast, Peter Gabriel turns it inside out. Every word is weighted. Every phrase feels like it costs him something.

He doesn’t just sing the song — he bleeds through it.

And for many listeners, myself included, that makes his version not just different — but definitive.

The Illusion of Control

I recently heard a news story about the Chinese government expressing its intent to select the next Dalai Lama. At first, the notion struck me as almost nonsensical — how could a political entity appoint a spiritual leader whose identity is believed to be discovered through reincarnation? When I asked ChatGPT about it through my Alexa device, the political reasoning became clear enough: it’s about control, influence, and the desire to shape a narrative. But even with that understanding, something deeper didn’t sit right with me.

It made me reflect on a broader truth: control, in many ways, is an illusion.

There’s something profoundly contradictory in a government trying to dictate the course of a spiritual tradition. The Dalai Lama isn’t chosen through election or decree — he is recognized through sacred rituals, visions, and centuries of lineage. To attempt to force that process into the machinery of state control is to misunderstand the very essence of what the Dalai Lama represents.

And perhaps that’s the point. When those in power try to control matters of the spirit — matters rooted in belief, intuition, and community — it reveals the limits of power more than its strength. You can command obedience, but you can’t legislate reverence. You can claim authority, but you can’t manufacture faith.

In the end, we are reminded that much of what we think we control — people, ideas, even the future — slips through our fingers the moment we tighten our grip. Real influence comes not from domination, but from understanding. And true leadership, especially of the spiritual kind, arises not from appointment, but from recognition.

What do you think — can something sacred ever truly be controlled? Or does trying to own the sacred only strip it of its power?

From Daydream to Debut

I’m a Published Author!

There was a time—not too long ago—when the idea of becoming a published author felt like nothing more than a daydream. A pleasant thought I would entertain with a smile… and then quickly dismiss. Maybe someday, I told myself.

Well, that someday is now.

I’m thrilled (and still a little stunned) to say I’m officially a published author. My first book is out in the world—not just a manuscript on my screen or a whisper in my imagination, but something real. It’s something readers can download, read, and—if I’ve done my job well—connect with.

This didn’t happen overnight. Like so many writers, I began with scraps of ideas, moments of inspiration, and characters who refused to stay silent. Sometimes the words flowed easily; other times, they trickled out. There were moments of doubt, long pauses, and even longer rewrites. But one idea—the story I had to tell—refused to let go.

Richard Bach once described how some ideas don’t just knock politely; they crash through the wall, grab hold of you, and whisper, “I will not let you go until you set me down in words, on paper.” That’s exactly how it felt. And once that idea had me, I had no choice but to follow through.

And now, here we are.

This is just the beginning. More stories are taking shape, and I’m more energized than ever to keep writing. The creative spark is no longer just a flicker—it’s a steady flame.

If you’d like to see the beginning of this journey, you can visit my Amazon Author page here:

👉 amazon.com/author/alan_wheeler

To those who’ve offered encouragement, listened to my rambles, or just believed I could do it—thank you. Your support means more than you know.

The dream is no longer just a dream. It’s real. And I’m just getting started.

A post I never imagined I would write, but here it is!

🎭 

The Fool’s Task

 — From Side Character to Center Stage

Some stories never quite leave you alone.

Years ago, I came across a BBC audio production of Tom Stoppard’s brilliant play Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. The premise blew me away—two minor characters from Hamlet, suddenly given center stage. Their story, once a footnote, became the heart of a new tale. I was fascinated by the concept: What happens when you shine a light on someone who was always standing just off to the side?

That idea stuck with me.

A few years later, while reading King Lear and poring over commentaries, I came across a simple but powerful observation: the Fool—Lear’s jester and confidant—vanishes partway through the play with no explanation. One moment he’s there, offering biting wit and strange wisdom… and the next, he’s gone. No farewell. No conclusion.

That observation lit the same creative fire.

What if the Fool was the true guide through Lear’s unraveling? What if he wasn’t just a jester, but something more—something sent to help? What if he was the one carrying the story’s soul?

But for years, I did nothing with the idea. I didn’t trust my writing ability. The vision lingered quietly, tucked away like a half-remembered line from a play I was too nervous to audition for.

Fast forward to today.

AI has become an incredible creative tool, and with the help of ChatGPT, I finally told the story I had imagined so long ago. The result is The Fool’s Task, my first published work—a lyrical, emotionally-driven novella that reimagines King Lear through the eyes of the Fool.

And now, after years of waiting, wondering, and doubting… it’s real.

The Fool’s Task will be available on Amazon Kindle in just a few days. I can’t wait to share it with you.

Sometimes the side character has the most important story of all.

—

🕊️ Stay tuned for the official release announcement.

#TheFoolsTask #DebutAuthor #KingLear #ShakespeareInspired #LiteraryFantasy #IndiePublishing

🥗 Eating Well with Amy’s Kitchen: A Guide to Healthier Frozen Meals

When you think of frozen meals, you might picture ultra-processed, sodium-loaded, preservative-packed boxes from the grocery freezer. But Amy’s Kitchen has built a reputation as the healthier choice — with organic, vegetarian, and often vegan or gluten-free options.

Still, not all Amy’s products are created equal when it comes to nutrition. So I dug in to figure out: Which Amy’s meals are actually the healthiest? Here’s what I found.

✅ What Makes Amy’s Different?

Compared to many mainstream brands like Stouffer’s or Lean Cuisine, Amy’s stands out for:

1. Organic & non-GMO ingredients
2. Vegetarian (often vegan) recipes
3. No artificial preservatives or flavors
4. Transparent, recognizable ingredient lists

But! Just because something is organic doesn’t automatically mean it’s low in calories, fat, or sodium. So let’s break it down.

🥇 Top Amy’s Products for Low Sodium

If you’re watching your salt intake, these are the top 5 low-sodium Amy’s picks:

1️⃣ Light in Sodium Lentil Soup (~340 mg sodium)

2️⃣ Light in Sodium Split Pea Soup (~340 mg sodium)

3️⃣ Light in Sodium Black Bean Vegetable Soup (~340 mg sodium)

4️⃣ Light in Sodium Minestrone Soup (~340 mg sodium)

5️⃣ Indian Golden Lentil Dal with Rice (~540 mg sodium)

💡 Pro tip: Look for the “Light in Sodium” label — soups especially tend to be your best bet for keeping salt low.

🥇 Top Amy’s Frozen Meals with Best Overall Nutrition

Want meals that offer a great balance of protein, fiber, moderate calories, and whole ingredients? Here’s the top 5 list:

1️⃣ Light & Lean Quinoa & Black Beans with Butternut Squash & Chard

(~240 cal, 8g protein, 7g fiber)

2️⃣ Indian Golden Lentil Dal with Rice

(~280 cal, 10g protein, 8g fiber)

3️⃣ Light in Sodium Mexican Casserole Bowl

(~370 cal, 13g protein, 6g fiber)

4️⃣ Tofu Scramble Breakfast Wrap

(~340 cal, 22g protein, 4g fiber)

5️⃣ Chili Mac Bowl

(~410 cal, 15g protein, 3g fiber)

💡 Pro tip: Meals based on lentils, beans, and tofu generally pack the best nutritional punch.

⚠️ Watch Out For…

While Amy’s is better than most when it comes to clean ingredients, here are a few things to keep an eye on:

1. Sodium: Even organic meals can carry 600–900 mg per serving.
2. Saturated fat: Cheese-heavy dishes (like enchiladas or mac & cheese) can be surprisingly rich.
3. Portion size: Some meals are small (300–400 cal) and might leave you hungry.

Final Thoughts

Amy’s Kitchen really does offer some of the healthiest frozen meals on the market — especially if you focus on their “Light & Lean” or “Light in Sodium” lines, or their lentil- and bean-based dishes.

Whether you’re vegetarian, vegan, or just looking to clean up your freezer meals, Amy’s gives you plenty of solid options. But as with any packaged food, read those labels to make sure you’re getting what you want nutritionally.

💬 What’s Your Favorite?

If you have an Amy’s favorite you swear by, drop it in the comments! Let’s build a community of smart, healthy eaters. 🌱🍽️

🥗 Eating Well with Amy’s Kitchen: A Guide to Healthier Frozen Meals

When you think of frozen meals, you might picture ultra-processed, sodium-loaded, preservative-packed boxes from the grocery freezer. But Amy’s Kitchen has built a reputation as the healthier choice — with organic, vegetarian, and often vegan or gluten-free options.

Still, not all Amy’s products are created equal when it comes to nutrition. So I dug in to figure out: Which Amy’s meals are actually the healthiest? Here’s what I found.

✅ What Makes Amy’s Different?

Compared to many mainstream brands like Stouffer’s or Lean Cuisine, Amy’s stands out for:

1. Organic & non-GMO ingredients
2. Vegetarian (often vegan) recipes
3. No artificial preservatives or flavors
4. Transparent, recognizable ingredient lists

But! Just because something is organic doesn’t automatically mean it’s low in calories, fat, or sodium. So let’s break it down.

🥇 Top Amy’s Products for Low Sodium

If you’re watching your salt intake, these are the top 5 low-sodium Amy’s picks:

1️⃣ Light in Sodium Lentil Soup (~340 mg sodium)

2️⃣ Light in Sodium Split Pea Soup (~340 mg sodium)

3️⃣ Light in Sodium Black Bean Vegetable Soup (~340 mg sodium)

4️⃣ Light in Sodium Minestrone Soup (~340 mg sodium)

5️⃣ Indian Golden Lentil Dal with Rice (~540 mg sodium)

💡 Pro tip: Look for the “Light in Sodium” label — soups especially tend to be your best bet for keeping salt low.

🥇 Top Amy’s Frozen Meals with Best Overall Nutrition

Want meals that offer a great balance of protein, fiber, moderate calories, and whole ingredients? Here’s the top 5 list:

1️⃣ Light & Lean Quinoa & Black Beans with Butternut Squash & Chard

(~240 cal, 8g protein, 7g fiber)

2️⃣ Indian Golden Lentil Dal with Rice

(~280 cal, 10g protein, 8g fiber)

3️⃣ Light in Sodium Mexican Casserole Bowl

(~370 cal, 13g protein, 6g fiber)

4️⃣ Tofu Scramble Breakfast Wrap

(~340 cal, 22g protein, 4g fiber)

5️⃣ Chili Mac Bowl

(~410 cal, 15g protein, 3g fiber)

💡 Pro tip: Meals based on lentils, beans, and tofu generally pack the best nutritional punch.

⚠️ Watch Out For…

While Amy’s is better than most when it comes to clean ingredients, here are a few things to keep an eye on:

1. Sodium: Even organic meals can carry 600–900 mg per serving.
2. Saturated fat: Cheese-heavy dishes (like enchiladas or mac & cheese) can be surprisingly rich.
3. Portion size: Some meals are small (300–400 cal) and might leave you hungry.

Final Thoughts

Amy’s Kitchen really does offer some of the healthiest frozen meals on the market — especially if you focus on their “Light & Lean” or “Light in Sodium” lines, or their lentil- and bean-based dishes.

Whether you’re vegetarian, vegan, or just looking to clean up your freezer meals, Amy’s gives you plenty of solid options. But as with any packaged food, read those labels to make sure you’re getting what you want nutritionally.

💬 What’s Your Favorite?

If you have an Amy’s favorite you swear by, drop it in the comments! Let’s build a community of smart, healthy eaters. 🌱🍽️

Discovering the Gita

 Discovering the Gita I first encountered the Bhagavad Gita through an unexpected source—Steven Pressfield’s novel The Legend of Bagger Vance . I had heard that Pressfield modeled the story on the Gita, with Rannulph Junuh serving as a modern-day Arjuna, and Bagger Vance embodying Krishna. At the time, I didn’t fully grasp the depth of that connection. The spiritual roots of the story were intriguing, but the Gita itself felt distant—like something ancient, elusive, and hard to relate to.

Years passed before I truly returned to the Bhagavad Gita , this time through the words of Eknath Easwaran. His translation and commentary opened a door I hadn’t been ready to walk through before. I found in Easwaran not just a translator, but a teacher. Though he had passed away by the time I discovered him, his voice lived on in his books, his recordings, and his gentle yet clear guidance. His book Passage Meditation became a lifeline, a method of internalizing sacred teachings through daily practice.

As I read the Gita through Easwaran’s lens, it began to unfold for me—layer by layer. I realized that I wasn’t just reading about Arjuna anymore. In a metaphorical sense, I had become Arjuna. I was the one standing in the middle of the battlefield of life, uncertain, overwhelmed, and searching for clarity. And the wisdom offered in those verses, especially the idea of detachment—not in the sense of apathy, but of balanced engagement—spoke directly to my spirit.

The concept of taking action without being entangled in the results, of finding peace regardless of success or failure, was something I desperately needed. Life had often pulled me toward extremes—hope and disappointment, effort and exhaustion. The Gita reminded me that balance wasn’t just possible; it was essential.

I won’t pretend I’m consistent in studying the Gita , or any sacred text. I’m not. But I return to it, again and again, drawn by the clarity it brings. And I hope to explore not just the Gita , but other sacred writings from around the world. I want to build a foundation of spiritual understanding—not dogma, but something deeper: equilibrium . A way of standing still and strong, no matter what the world throws at me. 

Owning the Struggle: A Reflection on Passage Meditation

Reading Passage Meditation by Eknath Easwaran has been both inspiring and humbling. His eight-point program offers a simple, elegant framework for deep spiritual practice—but living it out is another matter entirely.

Here are the eight points he lays out: 1. Meditation on an inspirational passage 2. Repetition of a mantram 3. Slowing down 4. One-pointed attention 5. Training the senses 6. Putting others first 7. Spiritual fellowship 8. Spiritual reading Other than putting others first, meditation is the easiest of the eight points for me. Sitting down, focusing on a memorized spiritual passage, and allowing it to settle into my consciousness brings a certain peace I can’t always find elsewhere. I have several passages that I use, including the Prayer of St. Francis as it appears in the Alcoholics Anonymous  “Big Book.”

The hardest part, surprisingly, is using the mantram. I want it to be a steady presence in my daily life—something I can reach for in moments of stress or quiet—but more often than not, my mind is too scattered to remember it. It’s not that I don’t believe in its power. It’s that I haven’t yet built the reflex to turn to it, especially when I need it most.

As for the other points—slowing down, training the senses, one-pointed attention, spiritual reading—I’ve made attempts at each in different seasons of life. Sometimes I get glimpses of what Easwaran is pointing toward: a calmer mind, a more present heart. But those glimpses come in fits and starts. I haven’t been consistent. Not yet.

It would be easy to see this inconsistency as a failure. But I’m learning to reframe that. This isn’t failure—it’s process. It’s what the path looks like sometimes. So I’m choosing to own the struggle, not hide from it. I haven’t reached full alignment with the practice. But I haven’t given up.

One passage from the book that stays with me is this:

“You may wonder why I recommend an inspirational passage for meditation. First, it is training in concentration. Most of our mental powers are so widely dispersed that they are relatively ineffective. When I was a boy, I used to hold a lens over paper until the sun’s rays gathered to an intense focus and set the paper aflame. In meditation, we gradually focus the mind so that when we meet a difficulty, we can cut right through the nonessentials.” That image of focus—of drawing scattered thoughts into a point of flame—speaks to exactly what I hope to cultivate. I may not be there yet, but I’ve seen flickers of that fire. And I trust it’s worth tending.

This is me, vowing to the universe and to myself: I will return to the practice. I will keep showing up. I will keep trying. Because deep down, I know the silence is waiting—and it’s worth coming back to, again and again.

Freudiana: Music, Memory, and the Mirror of the Mind

Today is Sigmund Freud’s birthday — a day to reflect on the man who cracked open the doors of the unconscious and invited us to explore what lay beneath. In honor of his legacy, I’m revisiting an album that isn’t officially part of the Alan Parsons Project discography, but certainly feels like it: Freudiana .

Originally developed by Eric Woolfson and Alan Parsons, Freudiana straddles the line between concept album and stage musical. Drawing on Freud’s case studies and theories, it dives deep into the subconscious, making abstract psychological ideas feel hauntingly personal — and sometimes even playful.

If you’ve never heard the album, you can listen to it here: Freudiana — Full Album Playlist on YouTube One song that had a profound impact on me was “The Upper Me.” Before hearing it, I’d only vaguely heard terms like id, ego, and superego tossed around. But this track made me curious. It prompted me to learn about Freud’s model of the mind — the primitive instincts of the id, the balancing ego, and the moral compass of the superego, which the song refers to as “the upper me.” It’s catchy, yet deeply thought-provoking, putting a name and a melody to the internal battles we all face. And suddenly, what once felt like academic jargon became personal: I recognized those voices within myself.

But if “The Upper Me” explores the mind’s architecture, then “Don’t Let the Moment Pass” speaks directly to the heart. This song is, to me, one of the most achingly beautiful ever written. A quiet, tender reminder not to overanalyze the fleeting magic of connection. To seize the now, even if we don’t fully understand it. In that sense, it’s almost an answer to Freud — a moment of surrender in contrast to all the dissection.

Together, these songs illustrate what Freudiana does best: it holds up a mirror to the inner world, revealing how much of who we are lies just beneath the surface. On Freud’s birthday, it feels fitting to honor a man who spent his life mapping the contours of the mind — and a musical project that gave those contours a voice. “They say that love is just a dance… Don’t let the music fade away, don’t let the moment pass.” 

The Flow of Being: Reflections on Peter Gabriel’s i/o

“Here is all your money, there is the lode, this is how you travel when you live to see the world explode.” — Peter Gabriel, “Four Kinds of Horses” Peter Gabriel’s i/o isn’t just an album—it’s an invitation. An invitation to reflect, to feel, and to consider the deeper rhythms that shape our lives. At its heart lies a simple phrase borrowed from the digital world: input/output . But in Gabriel’s hands, this becomes a profound metaphor for what it means to be human.

We are constantly in motion—receiving and releasing. We take in experience, emotion, memory, data. And we give back our thoughts, our choices, our art, our compassion. This idea of energetic exchange pulses through every track on the album.

In “i/o,” the title track, Gabriel sings, “Stuff coming out, stuff going in / I’m just a part of everything.” It’s a humble refrain, one that speaks to our place in the greater web of existence. We’re not the center of the universe—we’re part of its current, flowing through it as it flows through us.

Other songs deepen this exploration. “Panopticom” wrestles with visibility and surveillance. “The Court” challenges our impulse to judge before we understand. “Playing for Time” and “And Still” pause to reflect on aging and memory—how we process the past and what we carry forward.

One of the most evocative tracks, “Four Kinds of Horses,” explores how individuals respond to faith, pressure, and ideology. The quoted lyric— “Here is all your money, there is the lode, this is how you travel when you live to see the world explode” —suggests the moment when personal belief becomes weaponized, when devotion turns to destruction. Gabriel doesn’t sensationalize this shift; instead, he paints it with quiet intensity, showing how easily someone can be drawn into a cause, how the line between peace and violence is not only thin—it’s internal. The song stands as a haunting reflection on the choices people make when they feel part of something larger than themselves, and the consequences of those choices when carried to the extreme.

Yet this isn’t a bleak record. Far from it. i/o is full of light, warmth, and ultimately, joy. Tracks like “Olive Tree” and “Love Can Heal” remind us that love is one of the most powerful outputs we have. “Road to Joy” is an upbeat, radiant moment in the album—a celebration of renewal and hope that reflects the choice to keep moving forward despite uncertainty.

And finally, “Live and Let Live” closes the album with a call for understanding and reconciliation. It’s a fitting conclusion to an album that embraces complexity, but never lets go of compassion. Forgiveness, it suggests, is not weakness—it’s the most courageous output of all.

What Gabriel offers in i/o is a map—not of fixed destinations, but of ongoing movement. We are, all of us, part of something larger. And as we navigate the noise and beauty of this world, we can choose what we give back.

We can choose to flow with kindness. To listen as much as we speak. To grieve deeply, love fiercely, and keep creating joy—one breath, one note, one heartbeat at a time. Why this album matters to me i/o resonates with me because it’s not just about connection—it’s about interdependence . Gabriel captures life as a balanced portrait of sorrow and celebration, shadow and light. But the emphasis always returns to love, to healing, to joy. In a time when division often drowns out harmony, this album feels like a needed reminder: we are not alone. We are part of something—together.

ChatGPT and Me: Why I’m Fine Using AI to Write

 I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it means to create something—and what it means to get help doing it.

At some point, I know I’ll publish a novel. And when I do, I also know that some people will roll their eyes when they find out I wrote it with the help of an AI. They’ll say it’s not real. That it’s cheating. That a computer did the work.

But here’s the truth: the story is mine.

I’ve always loved writing. I have a voice, a vision, and a deep need to tell stories that matter to me. But like many writers, I also have my struggles—sticking with structure, untangling timelines, finding just the right phrasing. That’s where AI becomes a collaborator, not a crutch.

It doesn’t write for me. It writes with  me. It helps me move through the stuck places. It helps me ask better questions. It offers ideas, sure—but I’m the one shaping, revising, rejecting, and refining. It’s no different than bouncing ideas off a friend, or working closely with an editor. Only this collaborator is always available, always patient, and always ready to work.

Once I started writing with AI, I gained a great deal of confidence. In terms of novels, I do have a couple of irons in the fire—projects that have quietly simmered for a long time. Having AI assist me has actually made me feel capable of taking them seriously. It’s given me the confidence to truly consider self-publishing—something I never imagined I’d say, let alone do. That shift in mindset means everything. I’m not just dreaming about writing anymore—I’m doing it.

And just as importantly, getting help from AI has helped me stop second-guessing myself. That inner critic—the one that nitpicks every line, that tells me I’m not good enough—has finally quieted down. Not because I’ve silenced it, but because I’ve found a rhythm that works. I can write. I am writing.

In the end, every sentence still carries my voice. Every twist in the plot still comes from my gut. I tweak what needs tweaking, change what doesn’t feel right, and make sure the story that emerges is something I’m proud of.

To say that AI somehow invalidates the work misses the point. It’s not a shortcut—it’s scaffolding. It helps me build what I couldn’t build alone, not because I’m not creative, but because creativity sometimes needs a hand.

So when that book finally comes out, and someone asks, “Didn’t AI help you write it?”—I’ll smile and say, “Yes, it did. And I wrote every word of it.” 

Hmm, some Youtube commenters!

*LANGUAGE WARNING!*

I’m about to go off!This is just something I need to talk about! My question is this; why are some people assholes?

I say this because of an episode of Janek Gwizdalas podcast I watched on Youtube. In it he was discussing how people were accusing him of making a cash grab, so to speak, by working with a small company to design a bass. He said that a lot of people who commented on a previous video claimed he was doing it for the money. 

Janek swears it’s not the money, but for the music that he is doing this. I believe him. 

Unless these folks can play at the same level he does, unless they work as hard as he does and have released as much material as he has, they need to sit down and shut up!

I only know Janek Gwizdala from his videos and now his music! He seems like a genuinely cool person and very real. So, what the hell is wrong with people that they have to get all pissy and attribute this “experiment” as he calls it, to a money making thing? Anyway, I can’t speak for the man, so I’ll let him do it himself!

At this point in the journey; a revelation!

First off, pardon me if I come off a bit grandiose for what I am about to post. I wish to share what I discovered, just today, about my bass playing.What I discovered is that I have made much more progress than I give myself credit for. I kept pinning the beginner tag on me, unaware of how far I’d really come. Once again in my life, it boiled down to selling myself short. 

However, that changed today when I performed my assignment for my mentor/teacher. I was a mixed bag of nerves and sheer confidence all at once. I was nervous, yet I was so proud of what I was going to perform, I knew it would go over well. Sure enough, it did go over well… very well!

David told me I have come a long way! Because I love and trust David, I know he means it, and I don’t bother to deny that he’s right!

I really have come a long way since August of 2015. I have more skill and confidence than ever. I feel free to explore what kinds of music I want to play or create. I’m not saying that I’ve arrived, but I do accknowledge just how far I’ve journeyed and I promise the universe and myself to try stop selling myself short. If I can play like I did today in front of David and not freak out, I think I could play in front of almost anyone. It has taken a long time to see myself with this much confidence and self assurance. It feels strange, but good. Strange because the negative self talk is beginning to diminish and be replaced by a sense of belief in myself! 

I finallky found something that I can tell myself that I am good at, I will be great at and both believe and mean it! My passion for playing bass has begun to flow freely and I get immense joy knowing I can finally let music flow through me.

A long, strange trip with changes!

Well, hello there! I’m back and trying this blog thing again! I didn’t fall off the face of the earth, but I did move to another part of it! As most of you know, I lost my darling Donna on October 27, 2023. Not being able to afford single life in San Francisco and thanks to a generous offer from two of my very best friends, I moved to Roseburg, Oregon on April 29, 2024. Here it is, eight months later and life has changed for the better. Now that I’m not blanketed in Donnas depression, and this is observation and not complaint, I have found the aspiring musician fully waking up and becoming an actual musician.. more or less. 

Anyway, I am focused on my bass playing journey, and have my best friend and Mentor, David Russell to help and guide me. 

Currently, due to circumstances best left unexplained, I am temporarily playing an Ibanez seven string bass. No, you didn’t see or hear that wrong! I said seven strings! Crazy as it may sound, I love it!

This means I have narrowed my social media focus to me as a bass playing musician and relinquishing the reiki and sound healing to a back burner. Oh,, hang on, the sound healing is a seperate story for another post. However, I digress. Below I will link to my various platforms on social media for anyone interested in following my journey!My Facebook page: 

Catch me on Youtube!

Here I am on Instagram!

Follow my Threads!

Well, that’s it for now! If I decide to delete my twitter and totally migrate to something like blue sky, I’ll let you know! Thanks for reading this far and joining, or rejoining the journey!

"Why I need to stop being such an Aries" or "Consistency is key"

On some levels, I have always loved being an Aries. Aries are supposed to be bold, straight forward individuals, and I like that. However, there is one Aries trait I wish I could ditch!

One infamous thing Aries are known for is not quite completing things, moving on to something new before finishing the current thing, mostly because the current thing, to them, became boring.

Sadly, this trait is strong in me and this has hampered my bass playing by slowing my growth and progress. I realized that this week and decided I need to stop being such an Aries. At least when it comes to procrastenating, letting boredom overwhelm me, etc.

I've allowed myself to be extremely incosistent when it comes to the bass, then I complain that I should have been gig ready ages ago. I'm not writing this to beat myself up, or tear myself down. This is just my way of telling myself that the buck stops here and I need to have my inner boss set me straight on what needs doing and how. He's a good boss, gentle yet firm, but he gets a little impatient, and rightly so. If I don't remain consistent, I don't improve, not at the pace I want to, anyway. I've started working more on my fret technique, and in just a few days I already see slight improvement. I can't slack any more. That's just the facts. As my sweet Donna likes to say, "Let's keep it a bean."

Anyway, this new consistency, I hope, will include regular updates on my musical journey here! Thank you for reading this and putting up with my prolonged absences. The goal is to be sure they aren't quite so prolonged!

Open letter to Wil Wheaton!

I tried to post this to Mr. Wheatons Facebook page, but his privacy settings don't allow it! Maybe I can get this to him, somehow!

Hi Wil! I just wanted to take a few moments to share with you the impact reading "Still Just a Geek" has had on me. First of all, I am totally blind and so I listened to the audio book. Thank you for being so candid and vulnerable, both in writing the book and the wonderful narration you gave. My main reason for posting this message though is to thank you for the incredible insight you share and how it has helped me on two levels. I am engaged to a woman dealing with a form of depression. I have been working to understand her depression as best I can in order to support her in whatever ways possible. I was sharing with her some of what you say in the book. Out of the blue, and without me mentioning your comment about this, she described her depression as feeling like being squeezed by a boa constrictor! So, you helped me more deeply understand what it's like for her. As the old saying goes, wait, there's more! I have had more than one person tell me that I can act like I think I have something to prove. I could admit this is true, but I couldn't understand why I ever felt this way. Reading about, or having you read to me about your experiences with your parents unlocked some insight into myself. First, I need to say that I am, by no means trying to make light of what you went through growing up. That said, knowing what you dealt with helped me to realize that, while I was never bullied, abused or gaslighted by my parents, the way they treated me had a vaguely similar impact on me. I was never exactly close to my dad. I mean, I know that he loved me, but he was never close to me. I always had a deeper, closer relationship with my mom. It was not perfect, though. I grew up visually impaired, becoming totally blind later in life, but that is a whole other story. Anyway, I am the youngest of my siblings, the baby in the family and my mom took the parenting approach of "Well, if Alan is quiet, he must be happy and safe." It was, in a lot of ways, a very hands off approach. It took years to acknowledge this fact. I'm still working on accepting it. In reading your book, I believe I came to realize that I wanted the approval of my parents, albeit for different reasons from you in your relationship with your parents. I think that's where my feeling of having to prove myself came from, at least in part. It also have to do with being bullied in school because I was the awkward, out of place guy who wore thick glasses. I could never wrap my brain around why the bullies felt the need to act towards me the way they did. I understand it now, as best I can, but I still remember how it hurt.

What I am starting to learn, though, is that the only person I have anything to prove something to is me. Both my parents are dead, and the family and friends around me lovingly and graciously accept me for who I am, flaws and all.

So, before this post becomes as long as "Still Just a Geek" and requires tons of annotations, let me finish up by saying, again, thank you. I now understand myself and my fiancee better with your help. I do what I can to be a support system for her, and I am very gradually learning to be kind to myself as well. Your meaningful and powerful insight helped me take steps in that direction. Oh, and one last thing, when I watched TNG back in the 80s and 90s, I rooted for Wesley. I wanted Picard to allow him on the bridge, to be more of a father figure to him, and that is what puts "Tapestry" among my favorite episodes. I could never understand people hating Wesley. I sure didn't.

Boldly going into a new phase in life and Stream me up, Scotty!

Well, I successfully administered the first dose of Trulicity this morning. Having done so helped me accept that, like it or not, whethere it genuinely sucks or not, I am getting older and there's no reversing it, no going back in time to when I was young. Life just doesn't have a rewind button...not even a back 30 seconds one like in audio players. So,, yeah, I am fine with it, and I feel like I can boldly go forward from here o out.

Recently, my inner trekkie has been set free from the cage it was in. I've always been a trekkie on a minor level, having enjoyed some of the original series (TOS), next Generation (TNG, which I have watched in its entirety at least once) and Deep Space 9 DS9) which I also watched all the way through one whole time. So, when Star Trek: Picard came out, I decided to check it out. Somewhere in all that I also encountered the #TrekCulture channel on #YouTube. Watching videos in which hosts such as #SeanFerrick made references to the two seeries I hadn't watched, Voyager and Enterprise, I began to get curious.

Thankfully, thanks to Paramount Plus, I started streaming not only Voyager (Voy) and TOS, but I watched the animated series as well. At the same time I grew curious about the newer series, Discovery. When I found out it was into its fourth season, I binge-watched the first three seasons in order to catch up. I'll keep my gushing brief, but I love Discovery. Maybe the first season was a tad weak, and getting through the first three seasons with the audio description for the blind made it a bit of a challenge, but I kept at it.

Then I found out about the humorous Lower Decks! It is a nutty, irreverant but loving homage to all things Trek. I even enjoyed the new show specifically for kids, Star Trek: Prodigy.

Now there's even one more new series on the horizon; Star Trek: Strange New Worlds! It will feature capt. Christopher Pike played by Anson Mount again. I can't wait to see this show! This is going to be freaking awesome!

In watching #TheReadyRoom, hosted by #WilWheaton on #YouTube, I found out that Mr. Wheaton had published a memoir that, it turns out, is an update to his original memoir. The updated,, and heavily annotated version is called "Still Just a Geek" and it is incredible!!! He is very openly candid about his life, his mental health issues and, of course, his career. If you loved him in "Stand By Me", Next Gen and/or The Big Bang Theory, you'll love this book and the insight you get into whom Wil Wheaton is.

Before I close this out, I have to go back to the topic of the new "Trek" shows, specifically Picard and Discovery. These shows, I am sure, have their fans like me. But I'm also reading comments from a lot of haters. Admittedly, I can understand some haterish behavior towards the J. J. Abrhams reboots, they're all right but feel like watered down Trek, honestly. That said, I don't get the hating on Picard and Discovery. If Star Trek is about boldly going to new places, these shows should be allowed to do so, and applauded for doing it, even if they don't always get it right. At their warp core, hehehehehehe, they are Star Trek. So, I know haters gonna hate, but you haters of Picard and Discovery, please put on your noise cancelling headphones, go find an online game to play and let the rest of us enjoy these new Trek projects for what they are. Or, if Wil Wheaton will forgive me for line stealing, if you don't like these shows, live long and suck it. Of course, I say that all in fun, no real malice intended.

Anyway, I've kept you trapped in the singularity that is my brain long enough! You'll likely find yourself in a similar one in future posts as I finish streaming voyager and the original series, catch the season finale of Picard and start checking out Strange New Worlds. So, be prepared for that. Now I'm going to take off. In the words of Captain Pike, "Hit it!"

I'm trying!

"All I can do is all I can do, but I keep on trying" Trace Adkins "I'm Tryin'"

Okay, universe, this is my formal request. I am asking for the gorgeous trophy blond, the fancy sports car (and in my case someone to drive it), and an all new stylish wardrobe. After all, these are the requisite perqs of a midlife crisis, right?

Okay, maybe it isn't a midlife crisis, but in. Ways that is how it feels. I've had issues in recent months with heart palpitations, high blood sugars I could not, for the life of me, get back down to normal, and a body weight that also refused to go down.

As a result of those last two things, I had to add a new medication to my regimen. It is called Trulicity and is a weekly injectable medication that reportedly does three things: 1. Lowers blood sugar, 2. Helps in lowering weight and 3. helps reduce the risk of heart problems and stroke.

The decision, made with my diabetic specialist, came on the heels of my 57th birthday. It did not make me feel good about getting older. It causes me to wonder why getting through being "over the hill" is such an uphill battle. I understand that as we get older our bodies have a harder and harder time healing themselves and regulating their systems, such as blood sugar, etc. Yet, I can't help but feel, just a bit, like my youth is scampering off shouting over its shoulder to me, "Catch me if you can!"

I've had songs like "Time" by Pink Floyd, "The way life's meant to be" from the album "Time" by the Electric Light Orchestra going through my head. I'm not *TRYING* to be morbid, and it isn't like I need to window shop for a death bed, so to speak, but it all serves to remind me the clock is ticking, there are things I haven't done but want to do, and time has the tendency to slip away before its escape has been noticed by me. Yet, as the lyrics at the start of this post say, I'm trying...and I keep on trying. The developments with my health and this new medicine have been a bit of a gut punch. Oh, amusing side note, the Trulicity gets injected into, of all things, the stomach near the belly button. So, the gut punch comes with a gut pinch and gut poke. Hahahahahaha.

So, anyway, forgive me if I come off as whiny. I don't really mean to, but I just have to acknowledge, to myself and my friends...and anyone else reading this, that life just seems hard right now, for multiple reasons, some I won't go into here, but I am getting through it, or at the very least trying to. Like Trace Adkins says in the song I quoted "There's always a mountain in front of me, but I keep on climbing, and falling and climbing...but I keep on trying."

Oh, and universe? Forget the trophy blond! Donna, my fiancee, would not be happy if I had me one of those. ;)

Validation along the path and the journey continues!

I was surprised when I was asked, back in December for an interview and the reason behind it! All I can say is wow! Well, that and thank you!How blind student plays bass! Needless to say, this is a huge motivator! As a result, beginning next month, I am taking the bull by the horns and I am going to scope out and most likely participate in an open mike night. I will give details and updates, of course! No more hiding in the "woodshed!"

Now for something new...kind of...

I have a #YouTube channel that, much like this blog, hasn't been updated for a while. Granted, more recently than this blog has been. Either way, here it is:

https://youtube.com/user/adwheeler