A Reiki Night to Remember

July 18, 2025

by Alan Wheeler

Before I go to sleep tonight, I need to write this down.

I just gave myself the most healing Reiki treatment I’ve ever experienced. My coming out — and the deeper realization of my authentic self — played a huge role in what unfolded.

Reiki sessions before bed are rare for me, but tonight I felt overdue. I also wanted to try a hand position my Reiki master, Christopher Telles, taught me — one he said should only be used if I planned to sleep afterward. It involves cradling the base of my neck with both hands. “You’ll definitely want to sleep after that one,” he warned.

He wasn’t wrong.

But what happened before the sleepiness was something unexpected. When I moved into the third hand position, I noticed how naturally my arms rested against my sides — a comfortable, almost embracing posture — and I realized it was possible because of the weight I’ve lost over the past year. In that moment, something clicked: I felt actual respect for my physique. Maybe even a little admiration.

For the first time, I could honestly say: I’m decent-looking. I don’t hate my body. I’m at ease in it. And just as that thought settled, another one followed: I’m finally comfortable in my own skin — literally and figuratively.

In that moment, I forgave my younger self — the one who once stood drunkenly in front of a mirror in 1987, declaring how much he hated himself. I felt energy flowing backward in time. A message to that hurting version of me: I forgive you. You were doing the best you could. You are a worthwhile person.

Tears nearly came. What rose instead was something deeper — acceptance, acknowledgment, even love. Not narcissistic love, but the kind of love that says: I see you. I value you. I believe in you.

I saw clearly that I’ve stayed strong through everything. Yes, there were dark times. Yes, I struggled. But they didn’t break me — they forged me. I’ve grown, changed, become better. More resilient. More real.

Tonight, I truly felt it: I’m a good, wonderful person. Not perfect — who is? I may have a dark side — we all do. I may have shadows… and as the Switchfoot song says, “the shadow proves the sunshine.” They’re part of me. I’m complex, human, beautiful. And when the time and place are right, I will find the love I crave and deserve.

But for now, I can finally say the words I never believed I’d earn:

I love myself.